Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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