if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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