My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize