Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Michael Bay diarrhea
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
