a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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