do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
