sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
