I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
zippers are such a cool invention
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
