I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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