I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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