I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
