member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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