It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
