Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
