did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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