Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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