I used to practice getting hit by cars.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
