I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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