please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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