Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
