I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
