well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
