Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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