I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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