Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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