I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
