i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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