Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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