I'm going to jail i love you
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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