On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
