lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
