I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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