All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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