yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize