After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
