wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
