my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
we should paint friendship bongs
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
