So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
