I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
