nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
