what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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