I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
