The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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