What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
