I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
