Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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