I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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