YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
