What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize