New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
