My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
