So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
