jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
