Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
