Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize