I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
