we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
