There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
