you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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