she was so not down for the gang bang
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Pooping to opera.
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