There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
