Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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