I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize