Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
