No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
