I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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