I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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