when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
